Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Metro Madness!!

Sitting on this train, on the red line, headed towards somewhere irrelevant, it hit me! It finally hit me!. "It." That "it" that reminded me that every "relationship" I had ever pretended to be in was worthless, meaningless, and let's be honest nonexistent. How did "it" hit me? It hit me when I saw this weirdly odd coupe sitting smack in front of me on the train. They didn't look cool, they dressed like dorks, and I'm sure the sex was bad. But, they had each other. And in the 15 minutes that they rode this train that seemed to be all they needed. They didn't kiss each other or grope each other. None of that. They sat close and held hands. She touched his temple and traced it to the tip of his brow. She then laid her head on his shoulder and he laid his on top of hers. She didn't look like she ever washed her hair yet he breathed it like it was the last scent of life that he would ever taste.

So then I went back in my head to every "relationship" I ever had. None compared. I have experienced the deep emotions that were always soon complicated with pain. I've felt that feeling that I just had to be with someone because absence was the quickest route to displeasure. But nothing compared to this simple odd love that they had. They didn't even notice me looking at them because they were so into this imaginary zone that they had created through glances and gentle, non-sexual touches.

What in the hell did she do to get this love? I just knew I was prettier than her. But, she had him. Though I did not find him attractive and I knew he definitely was not my type, she had him. I thought to myself, “Hell, I'm cute, I could take him.” But, I knew I couldn't. As I watched I knew that at that moment, I had accepted the defeat of a battle I hadn't even fought. They reeked of so much imperfection that they were perfect for each other. They loved love and I knew I could never compete with that.

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