Drenched with Curiousity

Written 12-18-2009

Ok so for some strange, odd, retarded reason this evil world of LOVE has been circling around my brain! I don't get it. I am not in love nor do I desire to be. But there is something. There is this little piece of me inside that wants to travel back to a time when **** was all there was. When it was all that mattered. When it was the reasoning behind every dumb, inexcusable, stupid act. It kept me hanging on and it kept me connected. Love? Nope I refuse to believe that I could ever be cursed like that. **** on the other hand was definetely there.

But do I really want **** again?! It hurt like hell the first few times. Maybe now I'm immune to the B.S. The BullShit, the BitterSweet element that surrounds this dented heart of mine! Ha! Can't be sucked out so no need in trying. My heart is like a foreign car that I can't afford to get fixed right now. I would shop around for prices but why? I know they're all gonna try and get over on me, and hell whatever they're selling I'm just not in the market to buy!

Ugh now I will be known as the BITTER BLOGGER! But I'm really not. This isn't a blog about HIM or THAT MAN or even THIS ONE. It's just a blog that I felt I had to get out. What is ****??? Oh my bad that's L-O-V-E backwards, E-V-O-L pronounced EVIL!

Etta Mae Done Walked Thru the Front Do'!

So today as my sister and I were on the Plaza shopping we went into Express. Ya know it was just a regular day on the town for me and my sister. But quickly it turned into the sequel to Rosewood! As I was shopping, I looked and saw two security guards. Ok, that's not strange. Then there were three, then four, then five! Excuse me! As we left we began to discuss the events. Coincidence? So as we left the store to go to Urban Outfitters we looked back and saw one of the officers behind us. Oh no, he can't be following us. Hit a corner, cross the street, OMG he is following us. Not only did he follow us to Urban Outfitters but he followed us inside and downstairs. When I walked out of the dressing room he was accompanied by another officer. WOW! At this point I was completely and utterly enraged. That's when we began to let them know that we knew what was going on. We got on the phone to express the disgust that we tasted from this experience that was not yet over. I made sure to make much eye contact with them to let them know that we were definitely aware of them following us. As we went to the register to PAY for our things there were three officers! Outside one awaited. As we left I told them to, "Have a great day officers! Would you all like to help us carry our bags out?!" To keep this story short, we were followed to the GAP, customer service, and all the way to the Security Office to file a complaint.

Needless to say we were both upset. I don't even know if upset contains all the emotions we felt. This was clearly race motivated. We didn't have big shopping bags or big coats or anything suspicious. Just two females shopping. I guess we stood out because our skin had a little bit of tint to it! I mean how far have we come? Up until this point I had never been racially profiled before, at least not to this extent. This was beyond necessary and was definitely unwarranted. I will not let this rest! How can I? It would be a disservice to the entire Black community if I lay down and let people think that this is the 1940's and "Etta Mae don' came thru the front do' of Mr. Wilcox store, knowin' that gal gotsa go thru the back entrance!"

L.I.F.E.- No acronym

Life is a bitch! No seriously it really is. I mean it has to be. Nobody understands her, she's difficult, hard to please, and sometimes down right cold. Bitch. Ha, this thing we call life! She is a creature of pure ambiguity. She doesn't say what she means, she simply hints and expects you to figure it out. We are supposed to guess what she wants, and dammit we better not be wrong, because if we are we pay. And she can be a mean and spiteful "unstable creature" who can hold a mean grudge!

But if this thing we call life is a bitch, then what are days. My theory is that the days are niggas. Yup, I said it. I know the NAACP buried the word, but hell this blog didn't. Think about it though, it makes sense. Days are short, they can't listen, and a lot of the times you regret all the things you do with it. Just like niggas. Ha! I think I'm on to something...

DISCLAIMER: This blog does not wish to insult men in any way shape or form. Men are some of the greatest creatures to walk the earth. Also..... the NAACP does NOT approve of this message ;)

Metro Madness!!

Sitting on this train, on the red line, headed towards somewhere irrelevant, it hit me! It finally hit me!. "It." That "it" that reminded me that every "relationship" I had ever pretended to be in was worthless, meaningless, and let's be honest nonexistent. How did "it" hit me? It hit me when I saw this weirdly odd coupe sitting smack in front of me on the train. They didn't look cool, they dressed like dorks, and I'm sure the sex was bad. But, they had each other. And in the 15 minutes that they rode this train that seemed to be all they needed. They didn't kiss each other or grope each other. None of that. They sat close and held hands. She touched his temple and traced it to the tip of his brow. She then laid her head on his shoulder and he laid his on top of hers. She didn't look like she ever washed her hair yet he breathed it like it was the last scent of life that he would ever taste.

So then I went back in my head to every "relationship" I ever had. None compared. I have experienced the deep emotions that were always soon complicated with pain. I've felt that feeling that I just had to be with someone because absence was the quickest route to displeasure. But nothing compared to this simple odd love that they had. They didn't even notice me looking at them because they were so into this imaginary zone that they had created through glances and gentle, non-sexual touches.

What in the hell did she do to get this love? I just knew I was prettier than her. But, she had him. Though I did not find him attractive and I knew he definitely was not my type, she had him. I thought to myself, “Hell, I'm cute, I could take him.” But, I knew I couldn't. As I watched I knew that at that moment, I had accepted the defeat of a battle I hadn't even fought. They reeked of so much imperfection that they were perfect for each other. They loved love and I knew I could never compete with that.